Ann Coulter used her anger toward soccer to reveal her disturbing beliefs on what makes a sport a sport and what makes America, America.
In her latest column, right-wing pundit Ann Coulter bashes soccer and blames America’s growing interest in the sport on the nation’s “moral decay.”
Although Coulter opens her rant by claiming that she never previously discussed her hate of soccer “so as not to offend anyone,” she did not hesitate to dive right into her usual offensive, ridiculous and ill-informed banter.
Besides getting almost everything wrong about the sport itself (like the idea that there is no individual achievement in soccer and that the sport has no MVP, or in this case, the “Golden Ball” and “Golden Boot” awards), Ann Coulter used her anger toward soccer to reveal her disturbing beliefs on what makes a sport a sport and what makes America, America.
Based on her column, here is America, as defined by Ann Coulter:
America should not celebrate foreign traditions.
America is the “melting pot” of the world, right? Wrong.
According to Coulter, the fact that soccer is “foreign” is one of the main reasons she is against it. She claims that it is like the metric system in that liberals “adore [it] because it’s European.”
So, I suppose she hates pizza, too. And the ballet. And imported wine. (And logical, simple systems of measurement.) And, well, everything about US culture because a lot of our traditions originated in Europe… since that’s where our first settlers were from and all.
Regardless, Coulter is against the introduction of new traditions from other countries. She does not want America to be tainted by foreigners. She even said that “true” Americans, or anyone whose great-grandfather was born here, is certainly not participating in the current immoral soccer craze.
Gender equality is NOT important.
Throughout her aggressively anti-soccer column, Coulter found several moments to express blatant sexism, as well as point out and celebrate gender inequality.
She mentions gender for the first time very early in the post, saying, “Liberal moms like soccer because it’s a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.”
You hear that, young women and girls? In America, if you’re on an even playing field with the boys, it is only because the game you are playing is not challenging enough. Do not even bother trying to compete with boys, not in kindergarten and not as adults.
Good job, Ann. You’ve mastered the art of internalized sexism and now, you are passing it on to the children! Clearly, soccer is not American enough because 5-year-old boys and girls can play it together without drowning in the patriarchal messages of female inadequacy that permeate American culture.
Americans should appreciate patriarchy, violence and humiliation (especially when it comes to sports).
According to Coulter, in order for something to be a sport, “the prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required.” It is not enough for players to train hard, play by the rules and dedicate their entire lives to perfecting their skills on the field.
For something to be a “real” sport, players have to risk sustaining brain damage or having their spines crushed beyond repair. Now, that’s entertainment! Am I right, America?!
Coulter goes on to link this risky, violent aspect of sports entertainment to the highly patriarchal institution known as war. She claims, “Most sports are sublimated warfare.”
Our nation is obviously experiencing “moral decay” because we enjoy a sport that does not have to necessarily connect back to our American desire to control and destroy anyone who threatens our political or economic power.
Coulter is disturbed by the sheer lack of violence in soccer because she seems to believe that violence is very American. She writes, “In hockey, there are three or four fights per game — and it’s not a stroll on the beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.”
This is a problem for Ann Coulter. If there are no fights, no major injuries and no sirens bellowing on the field, then there is no achievement and no battle.
Coulter obviously wants even more patriarchy and violence in sports, as if we don’t already have enough. But, who can blame her? She is just trying to uphold America’s wonderful moral values. Right?